How to Outrun a Grizzly Bear (NOT)

I was hiking the I stopped just before dark and cooked a meal right on the trail. A half hour down the trail I found a beautiful campsite along Dutch Creek and set up my tent. No-see-ums were swarming about me en masse as I hung my food bag on the opposite side of the creek. On most nights I would sleep under my rain shelter only. With this horde of insects, I decided it would be wise to erect my tent inside the rain-fly if I wanted a good night’s sleep. I piled everything near the tent, threw it all inside, dove in myself and zipped the mesh door behind me.It was fortunate that the bugs were menacing that evening, forcing me into the added protection of my fine-screened inner tent. I awoke suddenly in the early morning hours to a grunting sound outside my tent. With the fly open I had a clear view of a large male grizzly pacing back and forth, shaking his head and grunting as if he were irritated. Instead of grabbing my bear spray I grabbed my camera and completely opened the aperture in hopes of getting some pictures in the low light. I held it against the fine mesh tent wall and shot a roll of film. After exhausting the film, I became concerned and started thinking about items that were still in my pack next to me in the tent vestibule. Fragrant things that should have been in the food bag, like baby wipes and toothpaste, were still in pack pockets and might be reason for this abrupt wake-up call. I decided it would be smart to subtly let the bear know I was in the tent, if he hadn’t figured it out already. I first cleared my throat. When that had no effect I coughed a couple times very loudly. The bear continued to pace and violently shake his head. What I did next could be better protection than bear spray. It worked so well I have had thoughts of sharing the procedure with the Forest Service. I took a deep breath and began to sing as loud as I could, “I’m in the mood for love. Simply because you’re near me. Funny but when you’re near me. I’m in the mood for love.” That bear went up the trail like a rocket leaving the Cape. He must have thought, “This guy not only smells bad, he’s horny.” The problem was, I had to go up this same trail a half hour later after breaking camp. I never saw the bruin, or any sign of him again. I’m not sure if it was my voice or my choice of material, but the results were amazing. I whistled my way up the trail just to let him know I was coming.